Almost 1 Week Home

I have been getting requests for an update since Bella and I have been home from the Hansa Center, and you'll have to forgive me for not doing it sooner, but getting back home was a wee bit overwhelming!  I just spent 2 whole weeks taking care of Bella and me and our health - and that was pretty much it.  I was very excited to be reunited with the rest of our family, and I missed Luca and Mia so much - but I was anxious.  And for good reason.  I don't think I could have mentally prepared myself enough to handle coming home to the house, making dinners, packing lunches, school concerts, picnics, upcoming piano recitals, field trips, book reports, karate tournament, worship team, a broken washing maching, architects, house plans, work functions, work, and on top of all of that, we're in the last 2 weeks of school now.  Somehow, the last 2 weeks of school are torturous for anyone who has more than one child there. The amount of "stuff" that's packed into that time frame is a bit crazy, and with 3 kids in 3 different grades, there is something EVERY day.

So all of that is why I have yet to write an update - until now ;)

How am I feeling?  I feel better with each day.  I do admit, that the Saturday we traveled home I felt like I may die, though.  I really missed my husband that day, who is always in charge of the luggage.  That day I had to manage two 50 lb (okay... you need a lot for 2 weeks, and we brought a lot of stuff home from the clininc!) bags and two carry-ons basically by myself.  It was COLD, windy and rainy in Wichita, and just trying to get the suitcases into the rental car about did me in. After we got them checked in at the airport (which, by the way is so small and super convenient) I was relieved.  We got through the short security line and were off to the gate with an hour to spare.  We were on our way home!

It was about 30 minutes after that I realized that the rental car keys were still in my purse!

And then I got that sinking, heart pounding, yucky, panicky feeling that you get when you've done something really stupid.  We had no choice but to hottail it back - all the way to baggage claim where the rental car counter is (which is right where we entered the airport, by the way.)  I was frustrated and on the verge of tears, and poor Bella just kept reassuring me - "It's okay mom!  I'm totally fine with it, mom!"  So we turned them in and then had, to go BACK through security, which at this point, was a longer line (but still not Pittsburgh or DC like).
This time through, the guy behind me was pretty amused by my beast-sized dinosaur of a laptop.  He made sure he told me that they have these things called iPads now (which I was really in the mood for.)  I made sure he knew that I had my iPad in tow, as well - but I don't like to type on it!
Anyway, we got through in plenty of time, and had a nice flight to Atlanta.  We had time to grab a quick bite and then were getting ready for the final leg home.  As we were boarding, though, the captain stopped us.  He told me that we don't want to fly that plane.  That we CAN'T take that plane, and made us deboard.  Ugh.  So we had a delay - but it was actually pretty short considering we had to change gates and arrange another piece of "equipment" as they called it, to get us home.  Kudos to Delta airlines for not allowing us to board a broken airplane, and for managing to land in DC only 50 minutes late!

Plane #2 (the NOT broken one) 

When Keith and the kids picked us up from the airport, Mia SQUEALED with joy to see Bella and Me. She must have told us that she loved each of us 50 times that night.  They were so precious, and my heart was bursting to hold my babies again.

We decided to have dinner at our favorite Stafford spot, Pancho Villa.  Bella and Luca couldn't stop chatting about everything (ok, mostly Mine Craft), and Mia just wanted to sit on my lap.  It was a good night.

When we pulled in our driveway, it was like Spring had sprung while we were gone.  The grass was GREEN and tall, the fruit trees all had blossomed, and it was sunny and warm.  I was happy to be home.

The next few days were a little rough for me.  I was trying to get settled back in, and I had over- committed myself with a few things.  I, for the first time ever, did back out of something that I just couldn't handle.  And although it was a bit humiliating, I just had to do it.  I was at maximum capacity and barely unpacked, and Keith was very proud of me for making the decision to just say no.  And I learned that it's okay to do that (and maybe I'll do it more often!)
Aside from being overwhelmed with everyone's schedule, I was tired.  Exhausted, actually.  I felt like my body had been drained, and that I needed to be plugged in for 16 hours or so with no interruptions to be fully recharged.
But I have managed over this past week to settle in and get myself back on track.

Ever since I left Hansa, I have been sleeping like a boss!  I say that because sleep used to be my nemesis.  I often dreaded going to bed because I knew it was just going to be a restless, painful, and often sleepless night.  A few of my treatments at the center did deal with that aspect of my life, and I have to say, it has been working!
I know that my body is healing more each day.  The fog has lifted from my brain, and I can think more clearly than I have in a long time.  It's awesome being able to form a sentence without having to pause and think about the next word, or just forget what you wanted to say altogether.  I would say that my cognitive function has been my greatest improvement.  My mood is better, and I am not as irritated as before, probably because I am not in the constant pain that I was in before.  I do have some residual joint pain which will continue to improve in time.  But it rained for 3 days in a row here and I never felt yucky or "Lymey," as I called it, because of the weather.  That was an awesome realization!
My leg pain is much better, and I really hadn't noticed it until last night.  But then I realized that I had worked out yesterday morning, and i was probably getting sore from that!
Speaking of working out, if you know me well, you know that I thrive on physical fitness.  During the past 6 months, however, the amount of physical training I was able to do kept dwindling because I was getting sick again.  And that depressed me.  I still managed to do something.  I'm a firm believer that no matter how sick you are, you need to get up and be active.  It always made me feel better, if not just mentally, to work out.
That being said, on Tuesday I was ready to hit the gym again.  I decided to go back to my favorite Beachbody instructor (no... not Tony Horton - I'll save another round of P90x for a few months from now!), Chalene Johnson, and started a new 90 day round of Chalene Extreme.  I really feel the need to build up my strength again, and since my trainer friend, Jen, isn't here anymore to pick me up and get me going again, Chalene will have to do!
So I am healing.  And without antibiotics!  Many of my symptoms may take more time to resolve, but I've seen such an improvement already that I have renewed hope and faith that my full recovery is in the process.  I am being healed even as I write this, and I am so grateful for God's faithfulness.
Bella continues to thrive.  She was very happy to get back to her friends at school, and has put the petal to the metal when it comes to activity.  She is excited to compete in the Kata division of her martial arts studio's (Champion Martial Arts) tournament next week.  She's also working on a book report, playing soccer outside, and getting ready for her piano recital.
We are both taking our remedies which were prepared especially for us and our individual bodies, not just picked off of a shelf.  When we return to the clinic in July with Luca, Bella and I will both be seen again to evaluate our progress and determine if there are more things that need to be addressed.
I do have to say that I truly miss the Hansa Center.  I think about that wonderful place every day.  The doctors and staff were so wonderful and caring, and they gave us our lives back.  I cannot put into words what that feels like.  We are blessed, and thankful, and we will continue to get better.
If you are struggling with Lyme or any other chronic illness, I know how lonely it can be.  Writing this blog has liberated me from some of that alienation, but it's easy to lose hope when you're in the dark.  I have been encouraged by so many people during this trial, and I must encourage you... God does some of his best work in the darkness, and you are never alone.  I implore you to build your hope and faith by reading Jesus Today by Sarah Young, who wrote it during her own fight with Lyme disease.  I would also highly suggest that you read the book that changed my life, Everyday Miracles by God's Design, by Dr. Jernigan - I honestly couldn't put it down.  Optimum health is truly within your reach - I finally have a grasp on it, and I'm not letting go!