Well, although I gave serious consideration to abandoning this blog altogether, I've decided to finally post something. It's been a while - and for good reason: when things aren't going so great, I tend to shrink away. I don't like talking about them, and from about the time of my last point until the birth of our precious Mia, things just weren't going so great!
2009 was certainly a challenge for me. Keith and I had decided to try for another baby. This was a hard decision for me, because my pregnancy with Luca was difficult. For the final 2 months, walking had become excruciating for me, and I felt awful. I was having a hard time just managing myself, let alone my daughter who wasn't even 2 years old. Although his delivery was truly a breeze, I suffered with post-partum complications I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Thus, when I decided to give it a go one more time, I knew that it was truly going to be a physical sacrifice for me - and I was right.
During the first four months, I was nauseated 24/7. Feeling like that while trying to care for a 3 and 5 year old was quite the challenge, but somewhere around the beginning of May, the nausea subsided for the most part and I could finally start feeling like a mom to Bella and Luca again. At that same time, however, Luca and I were in a pretty bad car crash. Luca was fine, but I had suffered a hematoma on my 4.5-month-pregnant placenta. It was during all of the post-crash ultrasounds that we found out that we were going to have a baby girl! Soon after that at the dr's office at a follow-up ultrasound, the news wasn't so good. He noticed something wrong with her heart - cardiac echogenic foci - and that's where everything about the pregnancy changed.
We were referred to a perinatologist, who did "screens" (very in-depth ultrasounds, in which the little baby is just analyzed piece by piece) every month. What we found out is that our baby had several markers for a genetic abnormality - most likely Down Syndrome. I can't even begin to explain the kind of emotions that you find yourself feeling when you are hit with something like that. Keith and I were shaken. I began to question everything, including myself and the feelings I had about the possibility of parenting a child with special needs. I wanted to know for sure... I wanted to be able to prepare myself, so I wanted to have an amnio. However, because of the hematoma on my placenta, the risks to the baby from the amnio were ones that Keith and I were not willing to take. So we had to wait. For the next 5 months, Keith and I privately feared, prayed, and prepared ourselves to care for our little baby, no matter how her chromosomes would turn out to be. I was offered counseling by my OB-Gyn, but by that point, I was at peace with whatever God decided for us. In the end, we were going to love our little girl, regardless of whether or not she was "perfect" in the eyes of medical professionals or society.
My pregnancy became increasingly difficult and painful. Again, managing my other little ones was barely something I could handle day-to-day. My joints were so swollen and painful, and again, I could barely walk. I was ready to have this baby! Then, on September 21, 2009, on our way in the doors of the hospital for some tests, my water broke. I was 38 weeks pregnant, and since my water had broken with the other two kids, we just laughed, called my parents who were visiting at my house, and told them we wouldn't be coming home for a while! We got settled into the hospital and a few hours later Mia was born. This little one was almost delivered by her daddy, because she didn't want to wait until the dr. arrived, but I managed to hold her off until he got there.
The moments which followed her delivery are a bit of a blur to me. But I remember watching the neonatal nurses looking her over as they were cleaning her off. She was tiny. She had big eyes... I could see that. But I was waiting to know what we had been questioning for the last 5 months. The nurse looked at me and started telling me what I wanted to know. "No Simian crease, Mom!" "Nuchal depth is normal, Mom!" "She has good tone, Mom!" And I knew that these were all good signs. Then, she said it... "She looks perfect, Mom."
And she was. From that point on, we didn't have to wonder how our life would be changed. We were humbled. We were overwhelmed. And we don't know why things turned out the way they did, or why God decided to give us Mia with all of her chromosomes "normal," but He did. And we are blessed.
Mia Gianna means "My God is gracious." Her name has profound meaning, and one thing Keith and I have learned through her birth is the gift of His grace - in both recieving it, and giving it away.
Mia is now 5 months old, and is such a blessing to us. She is the most pleasant, happy baby I've ever met. Every day I thank God for such a gift. I am amazed at her contentment, and I know that this little one is special. I am sure that God has big plans for our little Mia... and I can't imagine our lives without her!
